Sunday, June 02, 2013
Overjoyed
I climbed two flights of stairs yesterday and woke up with a song in my heart today. Life is beautiful. I'm so lucky. So very blessed.
Its been so hot in Boston over the last few days that we've kept the windows closed. When it cooled down last night, we opened them and slept with them so. I woke up to a cool breeze and the trees dancing in it. After window gazing for a bit, the song Overjoyed popped in my head. I sang it a few times then had to hear it. Youtube surprised me with an acoustic version. I'm in heaven. Stevie always makes me miss my piano. Life is beautiful
Thursday, May 09, 2013
Listen Up
So, I'm doing quite well physically. So much so that my mind is again turning to random thoughts that I must share. I've been thinking a lot about listening lately. Mostly because my bff and I go through these "things" where I'll tell him about an exchange and how it made me feel and have him question the validity of my retelling. And, if evidence is provided, he will postulate as to why the offending party said what they said or did what they did....excusing their behaviour in such a way that it diminishes the way that the behaviour made me feel.
I began to notice that he wasn't the only person who behaved the way he does toward me and started wondering whether this was that gender bias thing people are always going on about. It may be, and it may not be. I don't care. I know for a fact that I won't allow it to continue.
Because basically, when people do that, they're calling me a liar....and I'm allowing them to. And well...fuck that shit.
People spend a lot of time listening to other people and not hearing what they are saying. I've noticed that people will WORK to find meaning in things that other people say when taken at face value, the statement required no parsing. Was not even damned deep in the first place. I'm INCREDIBLY guilty of this myself, and I swear I'm done. When someone says something to me, I'm just going to let it be what it is.
Which brings me to understanding. I spent a lot of time trying to be understood. Explaining myself over and over, telling and retelling so that my feelings are validated by this party or that...essentially giving them the power to make me happy or sad. Secure or insecure. That's over too. I'm drawing lines in the sand here, there and everywhere. I don't need a second person to understand what I'm going through for it to be valid. Trees fall in the forest and they make sounds whether you're there to hear them or not. My feelings are valid. And I don't need a co-signer to rubber stamp them. Some things don't even need to be discussed with other people really...which brings me back to "Keeping my own counsel".
I'm going back to basics here. Its pretty clear whom I can talk to candidly and be heard with respect at this point. And, as much as I'd like to talk about certain things with other people, it just isn't wise. I'm at the point where I am just going to keep my own counsel regarding a lot of stuff. And that's pretty much it.
Good night/good morning bloggy.
I began to notice that he wasn't the only person who behaved the way he does toward me and started wondering whether this was that gender bias thing people are always going on about. It may be, and it may not be. I don't care. I know for a fact that I won't allow it to continue.
Because basically, when people do that, they're calling me a liar....and I'm allowing them to. And well...fuck that shit.
People spend a lot of time listening to other people and not hearing what they are saying. I've noticed that people will WORK to find meaning in things that other people say when taken at face value, the statement required no parsing. Was not even damned deep in the first place. I'm INCREDIBLY guilty of this myself, and I swear I'm done. When someone says something to me, I'm just going to let it be what it is.
Which brings me to understanding. I spent a lot of time trying to be understood. Explaining myself over and over, telling and retelling so that my feelings are validated by this party or that...essentially giving them the power to make me happy or sad. Secure or insecure. That's over too. I'm drawing lines in the sand here, there and everywhere. I don't need a second person to understand what I'm going through for it to be valid. Trees fall in the forest and they make sounds whether you're there to hear them or not. My feelings are valid. And I don't need a co-signer to rubber stamp them. Some things don't even need to be discussed with other people really...which brings me back to "Keeping my own counsel".
I'm going back to basics here. Its pretty clear whom I can talk to candidly and be heard with respect at this point. And, as much as I'd like to talk about certain things with other people, it just isn't wise. I'm at the point where I am just going to keep my own counsel regarding a lot of stuff. And that's pretty much it.
Good night/good morning bloggy.
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